Blog Posts

Women in 2018 : Are our quality of lives declining?

Alright, its been a little since I blogged and that is from lack of planning content because I am in the middle of a MOVE but what better way to jump back into blogging than to attack a super controversial yet important topic.

For the intro of this blog post I am just going to STRONGLY encourage you to read this Instagram post.

Okay, now that you’ve read that (right?) lets clarify a few things before I go off on this topic.

  • I hate talking politics I have avoided it for 24 years but I am SCARED and PISSED
  • I believe in equality of rights between sexes. Plain and simple so if you think men are superior you can get off this page and if you think women are superior you can get off this page. Lets work together.
  • This is a opinionated post I am posting WHAT I THINK. I am not telling YOU HOW TO THINK and I am not MAKING THINGS UP AND PRESENTING THEM AS FACTS (**cough cough** unlike most media sites **cough cough**)
  • I refuse to have a political debate. So if you trying to correct, come at me, etc don’t even try.
  • I believe in due process but I am not ignorant to the fact that a lot of cases don’t have evidence.

Now lets go. HOLY HELL, did I step back into the 1950’s? Men are being appointed (and sadly confirmed) for Supreme court who have a pure hatred for woman, the president is mocking potential rape victims, and men are trying to tell us what to do with OUR bodies. I have two words to describe this all. Absolutely terrifying.

This is not JUST about if he did it or not:

At the end of the day while I do believe the women that came forward, I also believe it is way beyond that. We can put all that aside and talk about one thing. THE WAY THAT HE ACTED WHILE HE WAS “ON TRIAL”. If you missed it let me recap

  • Brett Kavanaugh responded to questions he was asked by saying “I don’t know, have you”. I nannied in college and the kids I nannied said this.
  • Brett Kavanuagh, a man who is up to be a non-partisan member of the supreme court, blamed this whole thing on the democrats.
  • He showed a pure misogynistic attitude.
  • He cried.

I am sorry, this is not how someone we want determining court decisions that effect all of America acting. Often time judges in the supreme court are faced with extreme amounts of pressure when determining the fate of life-changing cases. The fact that Kavanaugh couldn’t conduct himself appropriately under pressure its a HUGE red flag. The fact that he was antagonizing women who were asking questions shows that he has a clear hatred for women. If you just look at him its almost like he can’t even believe a woman would speak to him that way. The fact that he was BLAMING the democrats shows he not capable of making non-partisan decisions on the behalf of America.

It is scary that someone who has clearly shown the opposite of all the “standards” to be a supreme court judge has been confirmed. If we don’t have our standards for this then what do we have? Not to mention after that “performance” multiple people who had endorsed him and supported him before WITHDREW that or QUESTIONED their decisions PUBLICLY. Yet, he still is in a place of ultimate power.

Here is actually a well written article about this:

What do his tears really mean?

I don’t even want to get started on the fact that the FBI investigation showed that he “didn’t do it”. They were told who and what they can investigate and the fact that that was accepted was absolutely ridiculous and a sign of the times.

“It’s a scary time for young men in America” :¬†

First, let me just break the heaviness of this topic (kind of) by sharing this

Want to hear a catchy tune? ūüėČ

Okay, now lets talk about this. Yeah, okay I truly get that men may have a legitimate fear of being falsely accused of something, I truly do. However, that being said there are FAR more cases of women coming forward and not being believed, far more cases of men being found guilty but not serving ANY jail time, or far more cases of women who don’t even come forward at all. I don’t think that the below is the extreme we are at.


Let’s take my boy (NOT) Kavanaugh, I mean what more of a grand scale example do we need? The man was accused of assaulting three (not one, not two, but THREE) women.¬†Guess what, he is confirmed in the supreme court. He is one of the judges who literally gets to decide my future, your future, and America’s future. So please tell me in what way his life is affected? He got his name smeared a little bit? Well, it doesn’t look like it because he has everything he ever wanted. Dr. Ford, on the other hand, is essentially in hiding because she is receiving death threats for coming forward.

Okay, want to take a look at LESS politically related examples? I direct you towards this horrible compilation of news articles, make sure you are logged into Facebook to see it (WARNING THIS CAN BE EXTREMELY UPSETTING):

At the end of the day most men who are falsely accused are vindicated. Most women who come forward are never believed. Want to know why this is so damn dangerous? We then create a culture where women don’t even report, so literally they just live in the same world as their rapist never finding the voice to speak up, and worse the RAPIST ROMES FREE. Look at this powerful post below.

I am not downplaying male victims, and Lord knows there are male victims. However, I will tell you this “its a scary time to be a man” thing IS DOWNPLAYING the terrifying struggles women are going through right now.

Why are we scared as women? 

Some people, a lot of people, think we are overreacting. Nope, wrong. Unfortunately, these extremist views that politicians have ( I.e. “Birth Control is an abortion inducing drug”, overturning Roe V Wade, making fun of rape victims) sets A PRECEDENT. It is so outlandish and never heard of before (yes its heard of but its becoming way more relevant than it should be in politics) but now its being said. So now that it is being said it encourages others that these views and come forward.¬† It is also shaping young impressionable minds. While we are a country who has a right to free speech, does that right to free speech translate into women not having the right to control their bodies? That should not be the case, yet with these views it is. We shouldn’t have to worry about another person’s freedom of speech reversing rights that we have worked hard for. Is freedom of speech important? Hell yes. Is there some laws out there that need to be changed, such as laws that inhibit the rights of a human beings? HELL yes. Think about it just a few years ago all states made gay marriage legal BECAUSE WE HAD NO RIGHT TO TELL THEM NOT TO GET MARRIED. Just like men and other women have no right to tell a women what to do with their body. So no, we are not overreacting! There is a risk of very conservative, old, and misogynistic men coming forward and taking away what we have earned.

Drawing the line: 

Okay, I get how horrible things like this are and how heated they can make us (hence this blog). However, that being said we NEED to learn where to draw the line. There are some unlikely victims in all this that we fail to remember, the families. WE CANNOT JUDGE a whole family by the actions of one member.

For example, Kavanaugh’s 10 YEAR OLD daughter was a target of a cartoonist’s drawing. Listen here, this girl is a minor and her whole world is being shaken. The whole situation happened 30+ years ago, and if he is guilty, he deserves it to follow him around for the rest of his life. However, it does not need to open up avenues to attack his 10 year old daughter who wasn’t even born at the time, or any members of the family for that matter.

At the end of the day pushing death threats, vile comments, and things along those lines do not make us better or change the situation. In fact I would say when we react like this it lessens the impact of the mission we are trying to achieve here. It gives people an easy out. As messed up as it is, society is looking for any and every reason not to believe you and just to keep on perpetuating rape culture. I mean think about these  common lines:

  • She was wearing barely anything, she asked for it.
  • She is confused about what really happened to her.
  • She was drinking to much.
  • Shes doing it to get back at him for a break up.

ow you are a powerful women and FIGHT as hard as hell, but don’t start fighting with pettiness. Fight with your powerful voice, fight with your mind, fight with your strength to endure. Do not fight like a teenage girl and don’t go after people who aren’t apart of this.

Am I saying we should live in fear?

Absolutely, f****** not! If we live in fear, then we are saying that we are going to to give into these people trying to control our lives. So this section is going to be sort and sweet DO NOT LIVE IN FEAR. Fight for the change and show that women are powerful as shit.

Men I still love you: 

As long as you don’t fit under this category

  • Misogynistic
  • Extremist with views against my rights
  • Telling me what the f*** I can do with my body
  • A rapist, harasser, pig (All which women can be too)
  • Think women have a certain place in the world
  • Want to overturn Roe v Wade
  • Display a clear hatred for women in an interview that determines if you will be on the supreme court or not

I mean do I really need to make this a bigger list you get the picture. BUT SERIOUSLY. I do love you men just like I love women. You have made MANY big contributions to this world, you vote in women’s interest, you support us, you believe in our rights, and you are NOT THE ENEMY. Bad men and women alike are the enemy (notice how I am not saying republican or democrat because I DON’T CARE JUST BE A GOOD PERSON).

This is not a problem that us women have to conquer alone, so if women if you are acting like that STOP IT, this is something that good people and society must fight against TOGETHER. Lets take the politics out of it for ONE SECOND. What is the problem we need to fight against? We need to fight against a culture that shames victims for coming forward, we need to fight against a culture that shames victims from even reporting at all, we need to fight against a culture when men and women alike lose rights they have rightfully earned. Just like we need to fight against stigmas on mental health we need to fight against this!

In conclusion this video explains it perfectly.




My take on CBD oil.

CBD is the new “hot topic” right now. Although, it appears to be more than just a fad. Many are claiming for it to be a NATURAL alternative to aid with pain, anxiety, and so much more.

I won’t pretend to know much about its medical properties and why it is so helpful so here is a website that helped educate me: 

Being someone with such bad anxiety I decided to try this new thing out. Here are the brands I have tried and my review on them.

Pure Relief: 

Pure relief is super awesome. They are mental health advocates so I am way behind that. If you check their account out they actually have multiple series on people who share their mental health story and how CBD helped them. It really drew me to the brand as I do focus a lot on mental health.

250 Pure Hemp Oil

Taste: Not going to lie to you here. It tastes like a liquid joint. You can definitely taste the hemp in it. Luckily, they just came out with a mint flavored product and this should help hide some of the taste!

Calming effect: DEFINITELY, noticed some calmness initially. HOWEVER, I have severe anxiety and I believe a higher tolerance to the dosage of these. Therefore the calmness did not last very long. I have discovered through trying these two products that I have a higher tolerance and therefore need more MG.

My suggestion to you is to play around with dosages and asess your tolerance to CBD oil. Pure relief has free samples to try out CBD all you have to do is pay for shipping!

500 Mg Pain Salve:

Taste: Kind of non applicable. Unless you eat topical cream YOU DO YOU.

Pain reduction: Okay, so I don’t have chronic pain. However, when I was in England I sprang my ankle. Now if I stand on it weird I re-aggravate it and get shooting pain through my whole foot. Well the day I received this I happened to do that and I put it on and it really helped!

I won’t speak to its effects on chronic pain. The reason for that is I do not suffer from chronic pain so for me to say that it helps would be unethical. However, again pure relief offers free samples of this salve and you can try it for free and see if it helps reduce your pain! Again, it helped me when I was in temporary state of pain.

1000 MG Pure Spectrum Hemp Oil

Taste: Suprisingly with the higher dosages I couldn’t taste the distinct taste of hemp as much but it is definitely still detectable.

Calming effect: I definitely noticed that I was much calmer with this than with lower dosages but it STILL wasn’t that extreme fix that everyone was talking about. I was able to relax on it for a longer period of time than lower dosages.


Cured Nutrition has become the popular CBD for a lot of Instagram influencers. I believe that their marketing is more geared towards the fitness niche. Most of the people who hold a discount code for the product are fitness influencers. To be honest I wasn’t 100 percent sold on this brand even after RAVING about it. For starters, I had a pretty bad customer service experience. It wasn’t the person that was rude or anything like that but they didn’t follow some pretty standard procedures and long story short they held my money and I had zero confirmation of product for more than 5 days. In the end I never got the product and had to reorder and get a refund. Then I had a really hard time feeling what everyone felt with these products. However, I won’t blame that on their products again I believe I have a higher dosage


Taste: 10/10 AMAZING

Calming Effects: Minor-Medium. The dosages of these are only 100 mg so again they just don’t have an effect on my body. I will say there were some times I felt calmer after using them.

Cookie Dough: 

Taste: 6/10. It does taste like cookie dough but you can definitely taste the hemp in it. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing but it definitely is a distinct taste. I knocked it down for that specific reason.

Calming effect: Minor. Again my body doesn’t do well with low dosages

500 Mint Hemp Extract

Taste: It tastes like absolutely nothing. I don’t taste the mint but I think the mint is just canceling out the CBD taste causing it to taste like nothing.

Calming effect: If I take ONE dropper, I feel absolutely NOTHING. The only time I felt something was the first time I took it. Then after that I had to start taking more than the recommended dosages to be able to get a fraction of that desired effect.


It makes me SO sad to say this but while CBD definitely does help me it doesn’t have that huge effect on me that it does for everyone else.¬† This saddens me because I truly would love some more relief for my anxiety especially in natural form. I think what I will have to do is continue to play around with dosages or get a higher dosage.


Frustrations with pop culture events and society’s assumption of mental health.

Okay, so this blog comes from a place of disgust, pain, and hurting. Lately a few tragic events  have occurred. Here they are listed

1) Demi Lovato overdosing and, thank God, going to rehab

2) Mac Miller overdosing and dying, which is an absolute tragedy.

3) Everyone blaming Ariana Grande for Mac Miller’s death

The negativity that has stemmed from these two/three¬† situations has genuinely upset me to the point of tears. So I’m going to go into how these situations are speaking to our society and I’m going to try my BEST to put a positive spin to it but this is a blog that just needs to be put out there if not for anyone else, for me.

I started typing this blog when these incidents were a little more relevant, however I went to England and since it is such a deep topic I had to lay off on typing it while spending time with my granddad but now I am ready to attack this topic.

People are a little torn between finding the connection in mental health issues and addiction and just outright saying addiction is a choice. I won’t go into detail but I will say that as someone who struggles with mental health and has a loved one who is recovered from a horrible addiction MENTAL HEALTH AND ADDICTION ARE CONNECTED. If that offends you, SORRY again we are NOT meant to connect. So lets launch into why I am so passionate about this topic.

Demi Lovato: 


This one is hard for me. Around a week after she overdosed memes started surfacing making fun of her. I can’t tell you how sad this made me ALONE but then I started reading comments justifying it. Comments like “Since she’s a celebrity and didn’t utilize her resources it’s all her fault”, “Listen to sorry not sorry clearly she didn’t care about her problems”, “Its her fault addiction is a choice”.

So I want to address some of these things. First off, ADDICTION isn’t ALWAYS just addiction. A good percentage of the time there are HUGE underlying mental health issues behind addicts. For example, someone who is depressed may drink their problems away.¬† The thing about MENTAL HEALTH and ADDICTION is it is not just as simple as identifying a problem and saying “Oh, I have a problem let me seek out help for it”. No, I WISH it was as easy as that. We would be living in a much happier and better society if those who had problems were quick to admit it and seek out help for it.

Lets look at this from an eating disorder standpoint. A LOT of people who have bulimia and or who are just binge eaters without the purging have an underlying addiction, food. Just from experiencing an eating disorder, advocating for those who still have one, and talking with those who have one 9/10 said person will NOT seek out a therapist. They are terrified the therapist will tell them they need to go to treatment, or they will make them eat more/less food, change their ways of lives, etc. Another good chunk of them when go to a therapist because they just believe that they are “fat” and that¬†they don’t have a problem. They have it in their mind that these are normal weight loss habits. My point in this analogy is when you have a sickness or an addiction you are more than likely in denial of that addiction till something happens to you where you admit to yourself you need help.

So, for all of you who are saying that she had all the resources in the world so you don’t feel bad for her, resources or not she needed this rock bottom to seek out help. She is a human being who has her demons like I know every single one of us do. She is going through a hard time, she is seeking help now, and the fact some of you want to make memes out of it just for a laugh is a large part of why people with these issues don’t COME OUT and talk to others about it or even seek help. They are afraid of being JUDGED.

We need to extend our sympathy to those going through this and encourage them to get the proper help they need.

Mac Miller & Ariana Grande: 


What REALLY angers me about this is that the same world that has no sympathy for Demi Lovato was so angered by Mac Miller’s death that they took that anger out on Ariana Grande. They put Mac Miller on a pedestal of remembrance, which I understand because he was an amazing soul. However,¬† they then think that she should have stayed with him at his lowest to “fix him”. That is where my issue lies. Yes, Mac Miller died but other than that what is the difference between that and Demi Lovato? They were both suffering

What I am about to say goes for both addiction AND mental health issues. It is NOT anyone else’s job to fix YOU but YOURSELF. While I have sympathy for those with these issues you cannot rely on others to make you better. You and ONLY you can do that. There is nobody who can make you stick with the therapy, there is nobody who can be there EVERY moment you feel like relapsing, there is nobody who can physically stop you from taking the drugs, there is nobody who can read your mind when you are secretly planning to act on your addiction (again look at it from the eating disorder standpoint a person with bulimia doesn’t say they are going to the bathroom to purge). While there actually may be a person in your life that is WILLING to do all those things it will not do anything if you aren’t willing to do those things for yourself.

No girl or man needs to stay in a relationship that is not SERVING them or that is DRAINING them. A purpose of a relationship is to be in love with each other in a mutually beneficial¬†way. Will it be uneven at times? Yes. Will there be hard times? Yes. Will one have to carry the other sometimes? Yes. However, THIS SHOULDN’T BE FOR THE MAJORITY OF THE RELATIONSHIP. You can try to fix someone with these issues till you’re blue in the face or till you even develop your own problems, but as I mentioned before if they aren’t ready to do change it is not going to do s***! Ariana’s decision to leave Mac Miller because his addiction was draining her IS NOT why he died. He died because he was suffering from a DISEASE. You cannot put that blame on anyone else. It is extremely wrong of society to say someone has to stay with someone when they are in the lowest of the lows. I am all for being with someone who supports you through your issues, I have that right now with my boyfriend, but I don’t take him down with me. It is not fair to tell someone who is being dragged down to unhealthily stay and not seek a better life for themselves. You wouldn’t tell anyone in an abusive relationship to stay to help the abuser through their problems and this is absolutely NO different.

Mental health and addiction:

I wanna address ONE more thing. It speaks to the more sympathetic and humane people supporting these celebrities. So many people have sympathy for someone who is famous when they are going through these issues but they NEVER support anyone who isn’t famous. They may run the other way, they may avoid the conversation, they may judge them, see them as worthless, and this double standard HAS TO STOP.

Just because someone is in the public light doesn’t mean that they are more worthy of love and support than any other person who is struggling. I am not saying that you shouldn’t support celebrities with problems obviously that is the whole point of this blog. What I am saying is if you can find a place for sympathy for them you most certainly can find a place of sympathy for everyone.

I strongly stand behind people who say “I don’t know anyone who chooses addiciton”. Yes, some responsibility may lie on them for trying the substance out in the first place but what happens after that is beyond their control. Again, I have seen a loved one go through the rock bottom of addiction. It is dark, it is nasty, it is full of desperation, it is full of lying to those you love, it is full of feeling like there is no point in living, and it is NOT SOMETHING ANYONE CHOOSES.

Support those going through addiction and mental health issues BUT if it is dragging you down and taking you into a dark place know it is okay to walk away. You can root for someone, love them, and support them from a distance. All in all you have to protect yourself first. There is nothing wrong with that.

So that is my take on this whole situation it may be short but if I go much deeper into my thoughts you may be reading a more negative and rant filled blog. I just want us to understand the places that people are coming from with their diseases. Being more sympathetic as a society can truly help others who are struggling. I am so tired of seeing the underbelly of society lately I want to see more strangers rooting for others and I just want to see more love going around.

I hope that you read this and support what I believe in and spread love.


Fr√© Skin Care Review


Okay guys, so over the past 2 weeks I’ve started a new skin care routine.¬†Fr√© reached out to me asking me to try their skincare products. In return for their skin set they asked for my 100 percent HONEST review. I made a promise to myself when I started on this journey that I would only work with companies whose mission I approved of and that I believed the community I have built would enjoy. So with that being said I will tell you some of the KEY FACTORS in choosing to try out this skin care line.

Factor 1: Fré is a VEGAN & CRUELTY FREE skin care line. What does this mean? It means that the products are not only all vegan but they do not test their products on animals. While I am not vegan I am all for clean products and I am a HUGE animal lover.

Factor 2:¬†Fr√© actually plants an argan tree for every single set that is sold. They do this because the Argan forest is being threatened and by replanting they are helping to support women who are harvest Argan Oil down in Morocco. LIKE WOW. I’m all for empowering other women. Those two alone were enough to say yes.


Factor 3: It is specifically designed to protect your skin from sweat damage and while I am no longer super active in the fitness community I am still silently doing my thang and I could use some skin care. Plus, I know my friends in the fitness community could too.

What do I mean specifically designed to protect your skin from sweat? The formula of these three products is designed to build up your skins strength and resistance to sweat. Sweat has an effect on our signs of aging and can lead to skin damage so if you are working out often you are more prone to these skin damages. Obviously, sweat alone isn’t the sole cause but when paired with environmental factors it really can cause harm to your skin.

SO with that being said lets launch into this review of this 3 step process!


Step 1: Protect Me

Protect me is probably, MY FAVORITE product. This is a product you use before you go to the gym! It is a moisturizer so you rub it into your face until its dry with no need to wash it off. It smells ABSOLUTELY amazing and I mean it when I say a little goes a long way. The benefits of this product include:

  • ¬†It protects your skin from damaging UVA, UVB, & IRA rays.
  • It hydrates your skin
  • Helps to build up the skins natural barrier
  • Promotes a natural glow

Let me tell you, THAT LAST ONE IS NO JOKE. There is an INSTANT glow when using this product. I am super self-conscious of how my skin looks at times and therefore I wear some face makeup to the gym. Since using this product I only put mascara on when going to the gym since it leaves such a glow on my face. On top of that it leaves my skin feeling super soft!

**Opthalmologist tested


Step 2: Purify Me

So, purify me is the second step in this three step process. It is a hydrating facial cleanser that you use after the gym (and even on days you don’t go to the gym). You wanna make sure your skin is a little damp when you put it on because because you do not rub it into your skin and leave it there. You apply it around your skin gently for about a minute and then you rinse it off. So the benefits of this product are:

  • It helps get the PH balance of your skin back to what it SHOULD BE
  • It removes the toxins out of your pores as well as unclogging them
  • It soothes the redness your skin may have
  • It also works to hydrate the skin

You know that feeling you get when you take your make up off and you are like oh my god my skin can finally breathe? Well using this is like that EVERYTIME even on a bare face. It is amazing!

**Dermatologically tested


Step 3: Revive Me

Finally, we have the REVIVE me, which is a deep replenishing serum. Okay, so the revive me you put on directly after the purify me and like the protect me you just rub it into your face and go. The benefits of this product include:

  • REGENERATES COLLEGEN (thats HUGE) and helps with your skine elasticity (stretching your skin can cause wrinkles)
  • Helps to reduce said wrinkles
  • Helps to fight against aging
  • Helps to make your skin more firm
  • Helps to restore your skin of the vitamins and minerals it has lost

With this product the biggest thing I have noticed is skin firmness after using it! I think that paired with the other two it is a great product.

** Dermatologically tested


My honest review: 


(Please excuse this huge light shining at my face but IN LOVE also I TOTALLY meant concealer)

To be pretty honest before¬†Fr√© I truly didn’t have a skin regimen I stuck to but I am happy to see that since implementing it I have seen over all changes in my skin. For starters, my biggest problem area is my forehead. I don’t get super bad acne on it but I do get noticble tiny little bumps all over. Since using this those bumps have pretty much disappeared, which has also reduced the amount of makeup I wear to the gym or just going out in public in general. In all honesty, if I am going to be going to the gym or running around doing errands the protect me has pretty much replaced my face makeup. It is such a pain to put face makeup on for just doing little activities. So not only am I protecting my skin while I am being active but that natural glow really has me feeling confident in myself. I have also noticed that even when I haven’t used the protect me or the revive me (which is also meant to promote a glow) the glow of my skin has naturally been boosted from using the products! Overall, I truly love the changes I have seen in my skin from making this my skin care routine.

So with this company you have products that ACTUALLY WORK and a great mission to stand behind you can’t go wrong! So here is their website:

I am also to happy to announce that if you are reading this on September 12th, 2018 at 3 PM CENTRAL TIME (USA)  all the way to September 14th 3 PM CENTRAL TIME (USA) you can use code ALISONS25 and get 25 percent off on this set! I am really excited about it and hope you guys trust my review and decide to try it! 

If you are reading past this time please stay tuned

So there you have it! My first product review! I hope you will tune in for more!

Now, on a more serious note. I have another blog coming soon and it is my opinion on a VERY important topic to me. It is related to mental health and how it is being portrayed lately. This is something I’ve noticed and become insanely effected by so if you guys would check that out in the next few coming days that would be so appreciated ūüôā

As usual my YouTube, Instagram, and Facebook page are all below. You can always reach out to me. My email is also in the contact page! Please follow this blog if you like what you see.


Relationships with Food: Where am I now

Under my old blog I wrote a post called “Viewing Food as the Enemy” In it I talked about overcoming an eating disorder and developing a great relationship with food. Lets go over a few things. Did you overcame an eating disorder like I did? Do you just assume since you are working out, eating healthy, looking good, etc you have a great relationship with food? Sound familiar? Let me tell you, if this is true for you and you do feel you have a good relationship, GREAT. However, it is okay for you to admit you don’t. It took a TON TON TON of soul searching but I finally realized that I was lying to myself. While I certainly have made significant strides I hadn’t fixed my relationship with food completely.

So I don’t want to blog about JUST eating disorders, I do want to be a lifestyle blogger, but on top of doing that I do feel like it is my duty to talk about mental health every once in a while and blog my opinions about it. I say that because I am willing to talk about it and open up about it and people need that.

With that being said, this is not always going to be my blog content, but please read on.

Its not that simple:

This may sound ass backwards to those into fitness and it may be hard to understand but in order for one with an eating disorder to completely restore their relationship with food they cannot view ANY food as BAD. For me I see it as multi-step. Step 1, they truly must understand that food is not the enemy, things in moderation will not hurt you, you can eat what you crave, feeding your body is loving it, etc. Essentially, in this step you need to know that there is NO food that you must restrict yourself from. Once this is understood you really have repaired your relationship with food. Then you may choose to not only choose foods that nourish your body and that are good for you but ALSO indulge in things that may not be good for you. If that is what you truly desire.

I know people’s heart were in the right place when they said this but one thing I couldn’t STAND was “The craving will only last so long the guilt will last for a while”. Like thanks for the encouragement to stick to my plan but also you don’t understand how my brain works. Someone says that, it doesn’t matter who, and that food becomes the enemy. Those who have had EDS don’t have that logical thinking of “One thing won’t make me fat” we often think “This one thing WILL make me fat”. Those who currently are battling ED 100 percent do not have that logical thinking. I am not trying to contribute to an overly sensitized and offended world but God sayings like that push my buttons.

First off, you’re implying that we eat food not to enjoy the taste. Sorry, but food is MEANT TO BE TASTED. Period. Yes, it is meant to fuel our body. However, in this world we have endless options to eat things that are good for us and we ENJOY the taste of. Nobody should be forcing anything down their throats just to look good when they do not enjoy the taste. This line of “dedication to your goals”¬† and “having a shit relationship with food” are constantly crossing. I hear people all the time who eat one food so much they become physically sick from it and they can’t eat it anymore. Hell, I have done this with many foods myself.

Second off, you’re promoting the harmful diet culture. I understand what a “diet” is but honestly that is NOT what we should be calling it. The best term is a lifestyle change or even “a temporary caloric deficit” would be better. You are not supposed to be in a caloric deficit for long periods of time and diet culture definitely does not address that. Diet culture is CONSTANTLY promoting a certain look, certain harmful diets, etc. We refer to it so often that even if we aren’t intending to play into it we definitely are. At the end of the day NO FOOD in this world is bad for us in MODERATION (In absence of allergies or health conditions). So stop telling people what they can and can’t eat and if you don’t agree with this philosophy then you and I were not made to connect in this world and that is okay. However, I refuse to tell someone something is bad for them and play into the fear of food.

Even preaching what I did I was darkly behind the scenes falling into diet culture: 

“Eating this will completely ruin my results”, “Not doing this last bike sprint is going to hinder my progress”, “If I eat this much then I will look a certain way”. It is ALL bullshit but yet it is CONSTANTLY promoted. Naturally, I couldn’t even realize I was subtly falling a victim to it because it is so dang normalized. I didn’t still have my eating disorder but I also didn’t have the healthiest view on food. I think people now have a harder time coming to the fact that they have a disorder because diet culture now promotes disordered thinking as healthy. Coaches are out there giving barely any food to their clients. Young girls are having a harder and harder time getting over their eating disorders because they can’t even recognize what they are doing is disordered. A large part of this is due to the diet culture and the “lifestyle” a lot of us are promoting on social media. We need to take a step back and REALLY push more mental health self-care as well.

So where am I now with my relationship with food?

While my relationship with food CERTAINLY is not perfect, it is in the process of being healed. I don’t know how long it will be before I stop having any fears of food all together or before I NEVER have an irrational thought in regards to foods and calories, but they are occurring less and less.

Right now, I am working on being more forgiving, enjoying what I am doing, and not focusing so much on the food. After all the experience should be what its about not the food. For me, its more important to focus on the company I am with than whats going in my mouth. Does this mean I binge? Absolutely not. I am very sensible but it is a different mindset. It’s not consciously thinking of every little bit and piece that goes in my mouth and trying to add up how many calories in my head.

In taking this approach and being more forgiving I feel like it has opened my eyes to how ridiculous I was being before. I still have fitness goals, I still wanna eat healthy 80-90 percent of the time, but I am not letting it eat me alive. We can’t let ONE thing consume us so much. Think of it this way, say you are trying to grow a brand. In growing that brand you rely on another brand or industry solely to make YOUR brand succeed. Well what happens if that brand comes crashing down? You go with it because you didn’t focus on just you. You essentially were just a walking advertisement for them. YOU need to be the walking advertisement for your mental health. You can’t put ALL your health and sanity into JUST fitness because when that changes, you hit a wall, etc. you won’t know what to do with yourself because you have so deeply associated your health with that. The best thing you can do is learn how to develop and flourish your mental health and do what things make you mentally better. This may be fitness but it may also be OTHER things. For me, it may be reading, it may be having some wine with friends, writing these blogs, choosing what type of content I get to put out, and really all of that helps me to be a better me. NOT JUST FITNESS, while I do love fitness I am not relying on it solely for my mental clarity.

When all is said in done I did what I needed to do in order to have my healthy relationship with food and be happy with my life. I think one of the most important things in this world is a healthy relationship with food. Whether we like it or not our lives are going to be centered around food. Whether it be for energy, to get better, or in social situations. So if you don’t have a good relationship with food, and fitness or anything else you may be obsessing about isn’t fixing it, then you need to reevaluate your approach. I highly suggest doing what I did and taking a step back and being honest with yourself. It is not easy, it is not comfortable, but nothing worth it is.

That is my thought for the day, so if this spoke to you at all I am very glad and know you can always talk to me about it.

My Instagram, Youtube, and Facebook Page are below! I am usually most responsive on Instagram if you need to talk.

Happy Friday my people, its a wonderful life ūüôā

My TJ Maxx $100 dollar haul and my six tips to saving money at TJ MAXX

Okay guys, so here is really my first “lifestyle” post on the blog. I intend to talk about mental health, my opinions on things, and deeper topics but I also want to make more posts like the following so hopefully you can enjoy this!

If you are NOT a YouTube watcher then I wanted to put this here for you on blog form. If you ARE but you missed my YouTube video on this topic then here it is.

So if you want to see my full haul watch the first half of this video! If you just want the tips then read on.

Whenever¬† I go to TJ Maxx and come out successful people always say 1 or 2 things. Either “I can never find anything there” or “I end up not saving because I buy everything”. While I can definitely relate it really isn’t too hard. The following are my tips for staying under $100 dollars, or just on a budget in general, at TJ Maxx.

Tip 1: The oh so cliche “have time”:

As corny and simple as it may sound its true. You can’t walk in and out of TJ Maxx like you would a grocery store or even as quick as you would a normal store. A normal store has mass amounts of clothes neatly on display versus just jumbled on racks. In TJ Maxx you quite literally have to sort through all the crap, find what isn’t crap, repeat on the next rack, and then the next section. Doing this along with my 5 other steps take up your time. If I am looking for 1-2 items in TJ Maxx I am there for a minimum of 30 minutes at the LEAST. So make sure you are doing it on a day off work or a day you at least don’t have a million different things to do. For me the time spent looking balances out with saving the money, but I also look for bargains on EVERYTHING.

Tip 2: Try to keep your items under $14.00:

Listen, if you aren’t on a budget or if you really want something then get it. However, if you are on a budget avoid the higher priced items at TJ Maxx. If you spend the time searching through the racks you can find SO MANY cute items from 7-12 dollars and choosing these items allows you to get more for your budget. Lets look at simple math here you can get anywhere from 8-14 items for 100 dollars if you are choosing all 12 dollar or 7 dollar items. For me, that is more exciting and a better deal because I KNOW there are things I can find that I like in that price range. If you are thinking that you cannot find something you like within that price range then you truly need to pay attention to the next tip.

Tip 3: Look for items that look the same: 

This next tip is probably why you should have time. When you go to TJ Maxx you may find a item that you like that is upwards of 16-20 dollars. What I want you to do is look for something that looks JUST LIKE IT. 90 percent of the time prices rise at Tj Maxx because it is a designer piece. If you are looking at a brand like Calvin Klein, Jessica Simpson, etc then it automatically knocks up the price. If you search enough you can honestly find a piece that looks just like it for cheaper. I mean how many times have you gone into TJ Maxx and been faced with endless options of black jeans, denim tops, colored workout pants, striped shirts, floral prints, etc? It happens pretty often, right? So find what styles you think are cute then search around and price compare them. Find which one you like best with in the 7-12 dollar budget (and if you find something you like for lower always go for it).  Yes it is a time consuming process but it is a money saving process. There is no need to be paying inflated prices for a label.

Tip 4: Know where to look: 

While Tj Maxx mainly consists of racks and not a whole ton of displays they WILL display their best and most pricey items. Where can you usually find these items? In the front, where everyone walks in, of course. Is that the only place? No, TJ Maxx (Homegoods, Marshalls, etc) are usually giant squares of a store with quadrants of product. So coating the sides of the “quadrants” are going to be racks and displays of their more expensive items. This is just to give it a nicer, more high-fashion, and respectable look. Walk right past those and into the abyss of where everything is jumbled together because I GUARANTEE you the deeper in you get the cheaper that it gets. TJ Maxx clearance sections are almost always at the back of the store and not near the front so cheaper items tend to be located near the back of the store. So,if you can, avoid the front and sides of the sections you are looking at and get deep into the middle to find the best deal.

Tip 5 Avoid “Contemporary” or “Career”¬†

These fancy names mean fancy prices. Most of these sections are filled with the DESIGNER clothes at Tj Maxx, which we have already established are naturally a crap-ton more. Of course, their career and contemporary section for actual career clothes is cheaper than going to a more expensive retail store but its not logical if you are just looking for normal clothes. A lot of the career Tj Maxx clothes you would never catch me wearing outside the office (not because its not cute but because my office style and my personal style are just different) so it makes ZERO sense for me to even look there. However, once again you definitely can find those styles repeated elsewhere in the store. If you are buying a more heavier piece like a jacket, a nice dress, or a suit you more than likely are going to spend more. I mean you aren’t going to get a nice dress jacket for 7 dollars unless its on clearance. So there are some limitations to what I am saying and instances where you may have to visit these sections. However, for the most part you should be able to avoid having to visit that section and can stay well on your budget.

Tip 6: Check the FINAL clearance section: 

Do you like products at a discount? Obviously, if you are shopping at Tj Maxx. It is pretty cool when Tj Maxx discounts their items even more and puts it on clearance, right? I mean its discounted discount stuff. Want to know whats the absolute best? When them put items on FINAL clearance. That means you are looking at items that have been discounted 3x. In this video I show a few items I got in the final clearance section at anywhere from 3 to 8 dollars. Usually final clearance is right at the back of the store and it is not limited to clothes. I have seen Steve Madden shoes on final clearance for $8.00. It is absolutely insane. The only drawback on this is if you are very into seasonal fashion you may be a little limited in what you find but I do believe that you can still find some good options there regardless! Final clearance is definitely the BEST way to stay on budget and find insane deals while shopping at TJ Maxx.

There you have it: 

It is quite simple to apply these easy tips and save the max (no pun intended) amount of money at Tj Maxx. I hope when you walk into Tj Maxx that you save some major dough thanks to these tips. If you want to tag my in your Tj Maxx hauls my Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube is down below. I will probably be doing some product reviews in the coming week so please stay tuned!

My decision to STOP putting myself in boxes and switch over to “lifestyle”.

Hey guys, its been a while (9ish months) since I have made a post. I have COMPLETELY¬†redone my page so if you are wondering who the heck I am my prior name was “bulimiatobodybuilding”. While this blog is about my switch over from fitness to lifestyle I want to note that I also changed the blog name because not only was it specific to fitness but also extremely specific to eating disorders. I am more than those two things, I have more to talk about, other interests, other content I want to share.

Recently, I made the announcement on Instagram that I am switching over to a lifestyle brand. While this may not seem like a huge announcement to some, those who are also content creators and spend a lot of their time and energy creating things to put on social media will understand that this was a big decision. I honestly was losing my passion, not for fitness, but for being a sole fitness account for a while. I didn’t really care about my content, I wouldn’t always plan ahead, sometimes I would write something right before I posted it. Granted it was all thought out and legit information I just didn’t have that passion to go ahead and throw my heart into all of it like a lot of fitness accounts do. So in the fashion of completely restarting my brand I want to explain to why I made this decision.

So lets start with some basic and small annoyances I was noticing in being a fitness account and following all other fitness accounts.

I couldn’t help but not roll my eyes at some of these fitness accounts¬†

Some of my BEST friends I have made on social media are pure fitness accounts and they are quite frankly some of the most beautiful souls I have EVER met. I would 100 percent not be where I am today if it wasn’t for the community I built when I was a fitness account. That being said this is NOT the case for every fitness account. I love accounts that help others, give others information, give others tips on how to lead a great lifestyle, you get the point but this concept flies over A LOT of people’s heads.

Ton’s and ton’s of fitness accounts, WHO ARE TRYING TO SELL SOMETHING TOO, are filled with unhelpful, overedited, and sometimes offensive photos with captions like “gainz”. Okay, I am all for body positivity but what purpose does this serve? Who are you helping? How does this explain your product? This was becoming more of the norm than the helpful content I was seeing. The only helpful content I saw is what my friends posted and that is content I was either tagged in our sought out.

Seeing this photo after photo, post after post, literally got excruciatingly annoying. I was LITERALLY rolling my eyes. Stop claiming you want to help others but providing little value. I have so much respect for those attempting to inspire others to live a healthier lifestyle but what most accounts are doing is scaring others off. Unless you have educated yourself, teach people simple things like better foods to eat, how to start exercising a little more, etc. things that can help all. HOWEVER, THIS LEADS ME TO MY NEXT POINT.

Basically everyone considers themselves an expert but are actually risking harming others

Again, I know a lot of awesome people who are SUPER knowledgeable in the fitness industry (including my boyfriend who has 5+ years of bodybuilding, competing, and PT combined under his belt yet is still humble as ever). Hell, even I have a Fitness Nutrition Specialist Certification and continue to study nutrition BUT some people lose a few pounds, put on some muscle, etc and they become a “coach”. One, if you are the described person and are doing it for money, you kind of suck. Second, I get if you are doing it for free and you are trying to help others but you have to understand what worked for you IS NOT what will work for everyone else. My fear is a young girl with an eating disorder, or even just has body image issues, finds you and you think you can help her by giving her a meal plan that teaches her eating SUPER LITTLE is healthy. I won’t get into all that though.

Bodies are a complex thing and everyone is going to be different. You do not have the right, as someone who has no certifications and has only been working out for months – a year (that¬†is being overly generous), to be selling people programs. You also do not have the knowledge to give anything but basic advice. I do believe that you DO NOT need a certification to help others but you do have to read TONS of articles, books, etc educational documentation that helps you to understand how diverse the human body is. You also need to take the TIME (years) to explore different types of training and how things work for different people. This is absolutely necessary if you choose not to certify yourself. You can’t just figure out someones macros or write them a meal plan just because you lead a healthy lifestyle.¬† **Hint, if you don’t know the handwritten formula for determining someones macros you SHOULD NOT be giving people macros**

At the end of the day so many people labeling themselves as experts is EXTREMELY dangerous. There are highly desperate people out there who will hire you and you will give them a plan that, one promotes, unhealthy habits, and two that will harm them. Stop trying to make a quick buck and have another human being’s well-being at heart. That is a concept one should not have to teach.

BUT IT IS MORE THAN THAT. I did this for me not because I was annoyed with others. 

While the above things DID bug me (and have been for a while) it was NOT enough to get me out of my comfort zone. I openly expressed my frustration with the above things multiple times on social media it’s not a secret but it also isn’t what pushed me. The following reasons are my main drivers behind switching over to a lifestyle account.

I thought I had to look a certain way to be “taken seriously”. Thus began the comparing myself to others.¬†

I am not sure exactly when, could have been for a while, but I noticed more in the past few months I was really beating myself up over how I looked. I believed that in order for my knowledge to be heard that I had to have a perfect body to prove it. Now, I am more prone to having bad body image so I won’t blame it all on being a fitness account but when you have a bad habit you are trying to kick you don’t participate in activities that contribute to it. Being a fitness account was just that, I was looking at girl after girl and wondering why my body couldn’t look like that. Sometimes it was simply just because I am not MEANT to look like that. It was not physically possible for me. I can’t look like a 5’2 girl with narrow hips when I am 5’6-5’7 with wide hips. Yet still I would look at that person and beat myself up for not looking like her. “Nobody will ever take you seriously, you can’t even make yourself look good, you have no right to help others” All thoughts that ran through my head and I was sick of it. I was going to the gym and pushing myself so hard to look better and it became true that I was going to the gym to look like someone else. Not going to the gym to create a better me. I still have “goals” now and I still am striving for a better body but just from shifting my social media attention away from fitness I am so much more forgiving of myself. I don’t want to worry about looking like someone else I want to worry about BETTERING ME and shaping ME every single day. This actually pushed me to start unfollowing anyone who gave me bad vibes boy or girl. I felt so much clearer seeing less things that upset me on Instagram. This led me to take a step back and start thinking, which leads me to my next point.

I did not fight an eating disorder and a broken relationship with food to just be a slave to my mind and food in a different way. 

Another reason I had to shift away from fitness is that I was beating myself up for eating certain foods, for enjoying a meal out with company, etc. I was convinced one meal would throw off all of my results. I was convinced a snack that took me 50 calories over my macros was going to break the bank on my results. Years ago I channeled my eating disorder into obsessiveness over fitness and then relapsed because I never really dealt with it. Honestly, I saw that I was channeling again and I took a giant step back. There were so many moments in life I did enjoy, but not to the absolute fullest because I was SO DAMN CONCERNED about what that food was going to do for my results. Most people will say this is a normal part of the lifestyle BUT I am not normal. I am RECOVERED I am a SURVIVOR of an eating disorder, and while I am forever grateful for fitness because it did keep me in recovery, I had YET to enjoy life and not give a fuck about food. Yes, I still track macros, no I don’t eat like shit, no I don’t overeat everyday, in fact I am basically doing the exact same thing I was before. HOWEVER, and this is huge, it’s all MENTALLY different. I am doing it because I want to, not because I have to, and when I do stray from the plan to be in the moment I am doing it free of guilt and full of happiness. I have earned this right, I don’t care what anyone says or thinks, after years of an eating disorder I deserve to be able to go away from the plan for a little and be happy. I was in mental hell for years and I will not let anything take me back there. I also want to be able to SHOW myself eating, drinking, and being fucking-merry because guess what that is what people in recovery DESERVE. That is what EVERYONE deserves. Yet I couldn’t because my audience consisted more of people who were looking to achieve very specific fitness goals versus those who are thriving in every aspect of life. The content I posted was geared towards them and it was true to me at the time but after taking a step back I learned I wanted something different for myself. This again leads me to my next point.

I want to show people with eating disorders/mental health issues that you CAN live life to the fullest.

As you may now from reading my previous blogs, I also have severe anxiety, and am labeled “high functioning” anxiety by society. Living life to the fullest has a different meaning for everyone but for me its new experiences, exploring, and enjoying everything, including FOOD and DRINK, that life has to offer. One of the hardest things, yet most humbling, for me is watching people with eating disorders go through what they are going through. They don’t seek me out, I don’t try to offer them professional help (because that would be extremely wrong), but I go and search the hashtags and comment¬†to let them know it does get better. I don’t ask them to follow me, I don’t ask them to check my page out, again I just let them know it gets better.¬† I see their mindset, I see them relapse, I see them think they are not good enough, and while it’s all heart breaking the hardest thing for me is seeing them say “Does it ever get better” or “Is this even worth it”. If I had the power to grab them through the phone, shake them, and show them all the amazing things life has to offer I would. However, the CLOSEST thing I can do to that is thrive in my own life and openly share my journey post eating disorder, as I am completely THRIVING (and guess what since I came to terms with my last point I’m thriving now more than ever). However, and this was the biggest driver for me,¬† I felt guilty, yes guilty, whenever sharing any of my eating disorder story. I didn’t want anyone with an eating disorder to come to my page because it was literally all fitness and nutrition and that’s the LAST thing they needed to see. I didn’t want to teach these people ,that in order to recover they had to become fully consumed with fitness. I DO want to teach them that once they are recovered and in a less obsessive mindset that fitness is a great outlet, but that is not the only thing I want to show them. I want to show them that every aspect of life is great from going to the store, to sitting on your couch, to being out with your loved ones. I couldn’t take that I felt guilty for sharing this HUGE part of my past. It was absolutely unfair to me and unfair to those I could be showing that life gets better. So again, I switched, I switched to what made me feel happier and healthier. So now, I am literally jumping into opportunities not only for the content but for the experiences that it gives me and the opportunity it gives me to show those suffering or even in recovery that life is AWESOME. And for one las time this brings me to my final point.

It is time to push MYSELF out of MY OWN comfort zone.

I am a creature of habit. My life will consist of eat, sleep, work, gym repeat if I don’t push myself out of my comfort zone. Being a fitness account doesn’t push because all my content can be shot in my normal life! In order to get more content as a lifestyle account I have been pushing myself to say yes to more opportunities. I simply just make more of my time and therefore my life. Nobody is going to like picture after picture of me on my couch, or on my computer, or weighing my food, etc. It gets really damn repetitive and quite frankly I was getting tired of that being my life. I was always wishing for more excitement and being so happy when I got that sliver of it that but never taking the responsibility of that excitement being in my own hands.¬† I know every part of that could have been done without switching accounts but it was a push that I needed, a bit of accountability that I needed, and it has been extremely rewarding. I am seeking beauty all around me, I am looking at things with new eyes, and I get to bring it all to the wonderful world of social media. whether I go into the city, seek out new places, or find something gorgeous near me its all amazing. Its like documenting my development. I spent a lot of time pent-up, as I am not a very open person (despite sharing a lot on social media),¬†and it feels really good to express my feelings and who I TRULY am through my projects. Through these things not only will I hopefully help others but I also am helping myself by opening up to the world.

So there you have it. That is my full on reasoning why I transitioned not just away from fitness but also from solely blogging about eating disorders as well. While I do want to show those with eating disorders that life after is amazing I also just want to show who I am. I have cleared my Instagram of anyone I don’t align with, and I was perfectly aware that it would make me lose followers, and filled it with OTHER lifestyle bloggers. Girls and guys chasing after their goals, traveling over the world, taking beautiful shots, living their day-to-day lives to the fullest. I LOVE¬† it, it inspires me and it make me happy. If that is what having a feed full of fitness people does for YOU then that is awesome! However, that is not what it does for me it was harmful not helpful and now I am mentally in a better place from ONE change.

From here on out I will be blogging about my thoughts, what I say in my YouTube videos, maybe some deep meaningful post, or it could be a product review. I am doing me and I am happy to do it. It is mentally freeing. If you are thinking of doing something but you have been sitting on it for a while JUST DO IT. Jump into it, give it your all, and watch your life change. The only person you owe ANYTHING to is yourself. You owe it to yourself to live your best life and be the best version of you so do whatever helps you do that! Once you are the best version of you, you can start serving others. For me, making this change was just the beginning of going for a lot of changes in my life.

My Instagram¬†and YouTube links are at the bottom of this page and in the contact page. I would LOVE for us to connect. Leave me a quick comment or send me a message and we can talk about whatever. ūüôā