Okay, so this blog comes from a place of disgust, pain, and hurting. Lately a few tragic events have occurred. Here they are listed
1) Demi Lovato overdosing and, thank God, going to rehab
2) Mac Miller overdosing and dying, which is an absolute tragedy.
3) Everyone blaming Ariana Grande for Mac Miller’s death
The negativity that has stemmed from these two/three situations has genuinely upset me to the point of tears. So I’m going to go into how these situations are speaking to our society and I’m going to try my BEST to put a positive spin to it but this is a blog that just needs to be put out there if not for anyone else, for me.
I started typing this blog when these incidents were a little more relevant, however I went to England and since it is such a deep topic I had to lay off on typing it while spending time with my granddad but now I am ready to attack this topic.
People are a little torn between finding the connection in mental health issues and addiction and just outright saying addiction is a choice. I won’t go into detail but I will say that as someone who struggles with mental health and has a loved one who is recovered from a horrible addiction MENTAL HEALTH AND ADDICTION ARE CONNECTED. If that offends you, SORRY again we are NOT meant to connect. So lets launch into why I am so passionate about this topic.
This one is hard for me. Around a week after she overdosed memes started surfacing making fun of her. I can’t tell you how sad this made me ALONE but then I started reading comments justifying it. Comments like “Since she’s a celebrity and didn’t utilize her resources it’s all her fault”, “Listen to sorry not sorry clearly she didn’t care about her problems”, “Its her fault addiction is a choice”.
So I want to address some of these things. First off, ADDICTION isn’t ALWAYS just addiction. A good percentage of the time there are HUGE underlying mental health issues behind addicts. For example, someone who is depressed may drink their problems away. The thing about MENTAL HEALTH and ADDICTION is it is not just as simple as identifying a problem and saying “Oh, I have a problem let me seek out help for it”. No, I WISH it was as easy as that. We would be living in a much happier and better society if those who had problems were quick to admit it and seek out help for it.
Lets look at this from an eating disorder standpoint. A LOT of people who have bulimia and or who are just binge eaters without the purging have an underlying addiction, food. Just from experiencing an eating disorder, advocating for those who still have one, and talking with those who have one 9/10 said person will NOT seek out a therapist. They are terrified the therapist will tell them they need to go to treatment, or they will make them eat more/less food, change their ways of lives, etc. Another good chunk of them when go to a therapist because they just believe that they are “fat” and that they don’t have a problem. They have it in their mind that these are normal weight loss habits. My point in this analogy is when you have a sickness or an addiction you are more than likely in denial of that addiction till something happens to you where you admit to yourself you need help.
So, for all of you who are saying that she had all the resources in the world so you don’t feel bad for her, resources or not she needed this rock bottom to seek out help. She is a human being who has her demons like I know every single one of us do. She is going through a hard time, she is seeking help now, and the fact some of you want to make memes out of it just for a laugh is a large part of why people with these issues don’t COME OUT and talk to others about it or even seek help. They are afraid of being JUDGED.
We need to extend our sympathy to those going through this and encourage them to get the proper help they need.
Mac Miller & Ariana Grande:
What REALLY angers me about this is that the same world that has no sympathy for Demi Lovato was so angered by Mac Miller’s death that they took that anger out on Ariana Grande. They put Mac Miller on a pedestal of remembrance, which I understand because he was an amazing soul. However, they then think that she should have stayed with him at his lowest to “fix him”. That is where my issue lies. Yes, Mac Miller died but other than that what is the difference between that and Demi Lovato? They were both suffering
What I am about to say goes for both addiction AND mental health issues. It is NOT anyone else’s job to fix YOU but YOURSELF. While I have sympathy for those with these issues you cannot rely on others to make you better. You and ONLY you can do that. There is nobody who can make you stick with the therapy, there is nobody who can be there EVERY moment you feel like relapsing, there is nobody who can physically stop you from taking the drugs, there is nobody who can read your mind when you are secretly planning to act on your addiction (again look at it from the eating disorder standpoint a person with bulimia doesn’t say they are going to the bathroom to purge). While there actually may be a person in your life that is WILLING to do all those things it will not do anything if you aren’t willing to do those things for yourself.
No girl or man needs to stay in a relationship that is not SERVING them or that is DRAINING them. A purpose of a relationship is to be in love with each other in a mutually beneficial way. Will it be uneven at times? Yes. Will there be hard times? Yes. Will one have to carry the other sometimes? Yes. However, THIS SHOULDN’T BE FOR THE MAJORITY OF THE RELATIONSHIP. You can try to fix someone with these issues till you’re blue in the face or till you even develop your own problems, but as I mentioned before if they aren’t ready to do change it is not going to do s***! Ariana’s decision to leave Mac Miller because his addiction was draining her IS NOT why he died. He died because he was suffering from a DISEASE. You cannot put that blame on anyone else. It is extremely wrong of society to say someone has to stay with someone when they are in the lowest of the lows. I am all for being with someone who supports you through your issues, I have that right now with my boyfriend, but I don’t take him down with me. It is not fair to tell someone who is being dragged down to unhealthily stay and not seek a better life for themselves. You wouldn’t tell anyone in an abusive relationship to stay to help the abuser through their problems and this is absolutely NO different.
Mental health and addiction:
I wanna address ONE more thing. It speaks to the more sympathetic and humane people supporting these celebrities. So many people have sympathy for someone who is famous when they are going through these issues but they NEVER support anyone who isn’t famous. They may run the other way, they may avoid the conversation, they may judge them, see them as worthless, and this double standard HAS TO STOP.
Just because someone is in the public light doesn’t mean that they are more worthy of love and support than any other person who is struggling. I am not saying that you shouldn’t support celebrities with problems obviously that is the whole point of this blog. What I am saying is if you can find a place for sympathy for them you most certainly can find a place of sympathy for everyone.
I strongly stand behind people who say “I don’t know anyone who chooses addiciton”. Yes, some responsibility may lie on them for trying the substance out in the first place but what happens after that is beyond their control. Again, I have seen a loved one go through the rock bottom of addiction. It is dark, it is nasty, it is full of desperation, it is full of lying to those you love, it is full of feeling like there is no point in living, and it is NOT SOMETHING ANYONE CHOOSES.
Support those going through addiction and mental health issues BUT if it is dragging you down and taking you into a dark place know it is okay to walk away. You can root for someone, love them, and support them from a distance. All in all you have to protect yourself first. There is nothing wrong with that.
So that is my take on this whole situation it may be short but if I go much deeper into my thoughts you may be reading a more negative and rant filled blog. I just want us to understand the places that people are coming from with their diseases. Being more sympathetic as a society can truly help others who are struggling. I am so tired of seeing the underbelly of society lately I want to see more strangers rooting for others and I just want to see more love going around.
I hope that you read this and support what I believe in and spread love.